


By Your Side (If You Just Open Your Eyes)

by NixVicious



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Bit of Fluff, F/M, First Kiss, Love Confession, coma fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 22:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NixVicious/pseuds/NixVicious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Where Rae was in the slight coma and Finn was actually by her side when awoken in the hospital" - Tumblr prompt fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Your Side (If You Just Open Your Eyes)

 

I usually go in order of how I receive prompts on tumblr but the plot bunny for this one kept kickin' at me so I decided to go with it.

* * *

The hospital room is surprisingly quiet, except for the constant beeping of the heart monitor. Finn doesn’t like hospitals. They remind him of his Nan, and those are more painful memories than he can deal with right now. He still doesn’t know what he’s doing here. Scratch that. He doesn’t know what _Rae_ is doing here. Or why Big G is sittin’ in a chair outside her room looking like he’s been here a while. When Finn came in, he was sitting sideways, legs dangling over the chair’s right arm, and eating one o’ them jello pudding things, two empty containers already littering the floor at his feet. It was kind of awkward to be honest because he’s the last person Finn was ever expecting to see here, with Rae. Then he turned and saw her lying in that bed with all those wires and things connected to her, eyes closed, deathly still and something inside him lurched violently. Now he’s sitting at her bedside staring at her. Just staring.

His arms are folded because as soon as he got near her all he could think about was grabbing her and shaking her. Shaking her until she woke up, until she snapped out of whatever this was. It’s freaking him out. Finn doesn’t know how to equate this Rae in front of him with the loud, lively, bossy girl that he knows. With _his_ Rae. He doesn’t know who this is. This pale, silent thing tucked under hospital sheets, wearing a hospital gown, with an iv in her arm, and breathing tubes in her nose and throat. He feels sick, really sick like he might throw up, because this scares him.

He just lost his Nan, he can’t lose Rae too.

He can’t lose her.

He just can’t.

“Rae,” he murmurs shifting forward in the chair till he’s just on the edge of it, “Rae, I...” his throat closes up on him.

God why is it so hard? Finn’s been here before, he knows how these things work, but he’s all copped up about it inside and that makes things so much harder. Finn swallows thickly and curls his fingers into the bit of bed sheet nearest to him. He hasn’t touched her since he came, can’t quite bring himself to yet. He is, after all, having a really hard time making his brain accept this.

“I don’t understand, ah don’t-” he cuts off again and runs a hand agitatedly through his hair, “Wha’ happened to ya?”

_Fuck!_

His hands are shaking and he has to clench them into tight balls to make it stop. It doesn’t though, just makes his nails dig into his palms.

“I mean-this is-you-you’re in a bloody coma for fuck’s sake! And I’m just- I’m seriously fuckin’ lost here.”

But she doesn’t respond, her eyelids don’t flicker. Nothing.

Finn’s head slumps against the edge of her bed, eyes closing at he tries to breathe in deeply, to calm the racing of his heart. He inhales the scent of summer apples but it doesn’t calm him like it used to, doesn’t make him feel anchored anymore. Now it just makes him feel helpless.

“I’m freakin’ out alright?” and his voice cracks slightly, the telltale sting at the corners of his eyes but he doesn’t care because the girl he loves is just lying there like a dead sack of potatoes and he’s having an internal mental breakdown.

His shoulders start shaking and he takes three deep breaths to try and bring himself under control. Finn can’t for the life of him even being to fathom the series of events that could have caused this, that brought her here. The nurses wouldn’t tell him anything because he wasn’t family. He didn’t think telling them he loved her would have made any difference in the knowledge factor. And Big G was as stoic as a bridge when their gazes crossed. He just jerked his head towards the door and that was it. So he still knows absolutely nothin’ and it’s eating him up inside.

“Ah need ya to wake up Rae, d’ya hear me?” his voice and low and pleading, although maybe he’s saying it out loud more for his benefit than for her. “Please, just-just wake up alright? I can’t-I don’t-what am I s’posed to do if ya don’t wake up?”

He’s looking at her now, eyes red and glassy with unshed tears, one of her hands caught between both of his. This girl has become everything to him in such a short space of time. More than the entire gang combined, and he’s known them all far longer than he has her. Still she means more. Everything will fall apart if she doesn’t make it out of this. There’s no way to tell when someone will come out of a coma. She could be like this for days, months, years even...that thought punches the first sob out of him.

What if she never wakes up?

And another.

He never even got to tell her that he...

And another.

“Ya gotta wake up,” he chokes out, “Ah don’t care what it’s like inside there, you gotta come back!”

The tears are falling freely and openly down his face but Finn doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a damn about who could come in and see him like this. All he cares about is getting her eyes to open, hearing her laugh again, seeing her smile at him, watching her roll her eyes up at him as she goes on about her superior knowledge of music and all that.

“I don’t even know if ya can hear me,” and he laughs, but it’s a strangled, half-choked sound that’s more despair than anything else, “but ah always thought we could’ve been on the radio together, like a joint DJ spot.”

He really has though, he’s not just saying that to fill the silence that’s suffocating him in the room. Their mutual love for ‘good’ music was a major bonding point in their friendship, apart from his stickin up for her that day before Knebworth. Their tastes complemented each other, and she always found records of his that he hadn’t listened to before or couldn’t remember buying. And that was what had sparked the radio gig in his mind. He’d be out of school though and while he could do a myriad of things, he really wanted to do something music wise.

“No crap, only cool tunes. ‘No Crap fm’,” and he breaks off into another choked laugh that’s more of a sob really, “Ah hate that you’re like this! Wha’ am I s’posed to tell the gang?”

A noise outside in the hallway draws his attention for a second and he looks to the door to see a doctor coming in. He’s got a kind smile and pleasant expression on his face.

“I’m Dr. Nick,” he says as he takes out Rae’s chart from the panel at the foot of the bed.

Finn doesn’t even try to wipe the evidence from his face.

“Finn,” is all he says in response.

Dr. Nick nods and smiles before redirecting his attention to the notes on the clipboard. His eyebrows furrow slightly and then he goes to the monitor and checks the readings on her heart and brain activity. He checks her eyes, flashes a light into the pupils, checks her breathing, and then finally looks back across at Finn.

“Do you know what happened to her?”

Finn shakes his head ever so slightly. He doesn’t trust himself to speak in case he starts yelling at the doctor for not being able to do something about the stupid coma.

“She was hit by a car and suffered slight trauma and bruising to her brain and cranium. Cracked her skull when she hit the ground and lost a bit of blood, hence the reason she went into a coma.”

Finn goes white and still as a board. ‘Hit by a car’, ‘bruised brain’, and ‘cracked skull’ is all he hears. His vision tunnels and it feels like he’s not in his body anymore. Dr. Nick’s voice suddenly sounds really far away, like he’s underwater. Then there’s a hand on his arm and Finn jolts out of the shocked stupor he was falling into. Well he jumps out of the stupor but the shock...

“Are you alright?” the doctor asks concernedly.

Finn can only nod dazedly. He hasn’t quite regained the ability to form words or sentences or proper thought yet. The older man eyes him carefully, lips slightly pursed in thought. What looks like understanding quickly fills the doctor’s face. He rests a hand on Finn’s shoulder and squeezes lightly.

“Do you need anything? I can have one of the nurses bring you something to drink if you like. It’ll help with the shock and keep you calm.”

“No thanks,”

“Rae’s one of our special girls so I can promise you we’ll take good care of her until she’s ready to come back to us,”

“Do you-do ya know how long she’s gonna be like this?” he has to ask because even though he has a good idea what the answer will be he still wants to know.

Doctors are supposed to know these kinds of things. And from the way Dr. Nick was talking, it’s like Rae’s been here before, like he’s knows her specifically, but Finn doesn’t think it’s his place to ask about that. Now’s not the time. Besides, if Rae wanted him to know, then she would have told him, so he leaves it alone. The doctor leans against the edge of the bed and sighs.

“I don’t, I’m sorry. You never can tell with coma patients. Sometimes it’s just a day, sometimes a week, sometimes more. No two bodies heal at the same rate, some take longer than others to put themselves back together and repair the damage. So far though, I can say things look promising for Rae. She’s a strong, healthy girl and if there’s anyone who can fight this it’s her. A bit of a tough cookie that one,” his tone fond as he says it.

That brings a crooked smile to Finn’s face. A nurse pokes her head in the room,

“Sorry to interrupt Dr. Nick, but they’re waiting for you in Room 12,”

“Thanks Lyla. Finn, would you excuse me?” and he’s gone in a swish of white coattails.

Finn detaches his hand from Rae’s and gets out of the chair to stretch a bit. He didn’t realise it, but it’s been two hours since he’s been here with her, sitting in the one position all the time. Then Big G comes in bearing sodas in either hand.

“Though ya might want somethin’ a’ drink,” and holds it out to him.

Finn pads across the floor as quietly as he can and takes the cold beverage. They crack the cans open and the cold liquid slides welcomingly down his throat. The sugar breathes a bit of life back into him. They don’t exchange any other words.

 

* * *

 

_Tix is smiling at her and going on about balloon and flowers and Rae thinks it’s the happiest she’s ever seen her in a while._

_“But wha’ if I don’t like it when ah get back out there?” she whines._

_She likes it in here. It’s quiet and peaceful and she feels as light as a feather. And she can travel to wherever she wants just by thinking about it. Who would ever want to leave a place like this?_

_“Then you just put on your Rae armour and you charge at it,” Tixie says, reaching for her hand, “But you’ve got to wake up okay?”_

_Rae nods though she doesn’t really want to._

_“Besides, Finn and you mom and the gang, they’re all in your room, waiting for you to wake up. They all miss you, so you’ve got to go back. Understand? You’ll see just how much you mean to the people around you if you’d only wake up. So try not to take that for granted when you do alright?”_

_“Alright,” Rae murmurs, “I’m ready.”_

_“Just close your eyes then, and when you open them...”_

It feels like her eyelids have been glued together. Opening them is harder than she thought it would be and she hesitates. If she does this, if she opens them, there’s no going back. No do over. It’s just her, to face everything that’s still out there. But she does anyway.

And she’s glad that she did.

Because Finn is there.

_Tix was right._

Well she was wrong about everyone else, but Rae doesn’t think she’d have been ready to face so many people just yet. So she’s glad it’s just him.

It’s dark in the room, outside as well. Must be night time then. The huge glass windows of the room provide a really beautiful view of the town outside. She can see all the tiny lights from buildings and things, sparkling like fireflies spread out over a blanket of absolute black. Like velvet. It’s breathtaking really, and peaceful. The quiet is welcome. Everything is so still though. She can hear a faint beeping to her right, must be the machines hooked up to her, but other than that there’s no other sound except for the steady rhythm of Finn’s breathing. A small sconce farther down the wall behind her is lit, so there’s more of a warm but very faint glow providing some illumination. Just enough for her to discern the outline of balloons and a couple bunches of flowers in vases to her left. There’s a stuffed teddy in front of them and the sight of it makes her smile though she can’t really tell what color it is. She hopes it’s not pink because as much as she loves Izzy, she does _not_ want a stuffed pink anything.

Her limbs feel stiff and foreign, like she hasn’t used them in a long time, and Rae’s unsure if she’d be able to move at this point. Then Finn makes a noise in his sleep and she decides she doesn’t want to move just yet; she might wake him up. He shifts a bit, trying to get more comfortable and it’s then that she realises he’s got a hand wrapped around hers while he’s resting his head on his other arm. It’s kind of adorable actually how he’s keeping watch at her bedside and fallen asleep there without leaving her. Her heart does this tiny skip flop thing and she wants him to wake up then. She wants to see his sweet brown eyes and that crooked smile, wants to hear him call out to her. So she moves the fingers that are caught in his. Sort of.

It’s kind of hard to know if she’s really moved them at all, she thinks she has but she can’t be sure. And what time is it anyways? How long has he been here? Oh god, was her mum here? Did she see him? Did she see them? Oh god did anyone else see them? This is not good and she starts to panic, despite the fact that she’s in hospital and hooked up to machines that will detect the sudden rapid increase in her heart rate and call nurses in to check on her and...

The heart monitor starts to beep faster and faster the more she panics.

_No, no, stop! Shut up you stupid hunk of blinking metal!_

Rae moves her arm as she tries to push herself up a bit. That, combined with the sudden beeping, finally displaces Finn and he jolts back suddenly, head flying up, face still drugged with sleep. She halts, frozen in place.

He blinks once, twice, “R-rae?” like he’s not sure if it’s really her.

_Fuck he’s gorgeous when he’s just woken up._

“Rae!” he repeats, tone filled with amazement, voice thick with drowsy but sexy all the same. It warms her insides.

“Hiya,” she mumbles.

“Rae!” he says again, like he can’t believe it and literally climbs up onto the bed and envelopes her in what she thinks on anyone else might be a bone crushing hug.

She totally was not expectin’ that. Finn holds on to her like his life depends on it and Rae can’t find it in her to say anything or do anything except hug him back as best as she can given her limited range of mobility and feeling like she’s been floundering around in anti-gravity. He sighs into the crook of her neck and something wet and cool lands on her skin. And again and again and...

“I thought ah’d lost ya,” he mumbles into her skin, “Didn’t know if ya were gonna-an ah’ve been freaking out all this time an-”

She didn’t expect to hear that either. Why no nurses have come running in yet she doesn’t know, what with her heart going like a racehorse on crack. The wet slides down her neck. Finn’s _crying_. On her. Wha’ is he crying for? Has someone died while she was out of it? This is exactly why she didn’t want to wake up. Something’s happened and she doesn’t know and now he’s crying about it and she’s not exactly in a position to offer any sort of comfort about anything now is she?

“It’s alright,” she murmurs into his hair, hand stroking his back, “It’s alright, you’ll be alright,” and then he starts laughing.

Has he gone crazy while she was out of it as well?

“Finn? What’s wrong? Tell me.”

The vibrations of his laughter transfer to her and she feels as he’s shaking on top of her. Then he pulls himself up and off of her. His eyes are red, there’s tear streaks down his cheeks and he’s still laughing.

“God I’m sorry, you must think I’m a total nutter or something,” he says even as he’s wiping the tears from his face.

She smiles that smile of hers that he loves and says, “No, no ah don’t.”

Finn pulls the chair he was sitting in closer to the bed so that he’s right next to her and slumps back into it. His hair’s mussed and his face looks tired, she can see it in his eyes.

“I’m just really happy ya woke up is all. God Rae,” and he passes a hand over his face, “D’ya know how worried ah’ve been about ya? When ah got here an saw ya like this, ah felt like...well it wasn’t anything good, and then tha’ doctor said you’d been hit by a car an’ you were in a coma an-”

Rae can feel her blood run cold at his words.

_He.knows._

“Finn, what.did.the.doctor.say?” she’s sorta groggy still and he voice isn’t back to form yet but she thinks she’s put enough firmness into it.

He looks at her strangely, like he noticed the change in her tone, but doesn’t call her out on it.

“That you were in an accident, banged up ya head an’ he didn’t know when ya were gonna wake up...” he trails off as a strange look crosses his face.

She doesn’t like that look, it’s too intense. It means something’s going on in that head of his and she’s not sure she wants to know what it is. So she avoids his gaze and glances around the room. Must be one of them on the new wing because it’s nicer than the usual rooms. Can’t be ICU though because if it was Finn wouldn’t even be allowed in.

“Ya gonna tell me wha’ happened to ya Rae?” he says softly.

That is so unfair! Whenever he talks to her like that, uses that tone, she can’t not give him what he wants. It’s like all her resistance just melts away, leaving her open to anything he says.

“Wha’ time is it?” she knows she’s deflecting but she needs time to sort out her brain before she can give him a proper answer that won’t quite be a lie but won’t also let him know she’s completely off her rocker.

He’s silent for a beat and just stares at her. Then he looks at his watch.

“Quarter after two in th’ mornin’,”

She does the math: she’s been here for almost ten hours. The wedding! Her mum must’ve been in bits. She ruined her wedding, great. Another disappointment on her growing list of them.

“She cancelled the reception ya know, when the hospital called,” he says knowingly, like he could see the wheels turning behind her eyes, “Rushed off to come be with ya, she was proper worried, everyone was...”

Rae doesn’t want to look at him because she knows what she’ll see on his face if she does. She can already hear it in his voice and if she thought she could have handled it before, well, she was lying to herself. She’s not ready to face him just yet even though she wants so desperately to tell him the truth, to tell him everything.

 

* * *

 

Finn’s feeling so many things at the moment that it’s a bit overwhelming. Okay, scratch that. It’s _totally_ overwhelming. It’s like she doesn’t trust him. Maybe it sounds ridiculous because he knows that she does, but it’s like she doesn’t trust him enough to be open about this. Which is even more ridiculous because if he could be open with her about his Nan and everything else since that night then he thinks they’re on pretty much equal footing here.

Rae won’t meet his eyes and he instantly knows that this whole thing is a sore spot. But it doesn’t help to ignore things. That doesn’t make them go away. He knows that better than anyone. Trying to shut out stuff doesn’t mean that it isn’t still there, like his feelings for her.

“ _Rae_ ,”

She doesn’t respond. Can’t say he didn’t expect that.

“Would ya look at me, _please_ ,” and reaches for her hand.

When he touches her, she flinches, but doesn’t pull away when he twines their fingers together. Her skin is warm and cool at the same time, soft and really smooth. He likes how it feels against the skin of his palm. Usually he doesn’t have much to say but he figures that it’s time he spoke for once especially seeing as she won’t.

“I know tha’ ya’ don’t wanna tell me wha’ happened to ya but ah just, it really scared me, seeing ya like this an’ not being able to do anything about it. I felt really helpless alright? It was like with me Nan all over again. Ah walked in the room and you were just lyin’ there in the bed looking so...it wasn’t you, and I just-I couldn’t-” and he cuts off because it’s proving extremely difficult getting his words together.

Rae doesn’t do anything to try and diffuse the lull that falls over them when he pauses. Such a difficult woman, even when she’s just gotten out of a coma. Finn sighs audibly.

“Just, when you’re ready to trust me I’m here for ya alright? I just want ya to know that.”

“How’d ya find out about me?” she finally says after a beat of silence.

“Big G called me actually, ah don’t even know how he got me number but he did an’ I raced over as soon as.”

She’s quiet again and it makes him uneasy because Rae is never quiet. She’s always bangin’ on about it, always has something to say, so this-this is new for him. It’s like they’ve switched places, she’s mute now and he’s the talkative one. It’s kind of funny actually. Guess it shows on his face because she nudges him with her arm.

“Wha’ a’ya laughin’ at?” the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Nothin’,” but his own smile grows and then a chuckle bursts from his mouth.

“Ya laughing at something, tell me,”

“We’ve sorta switched places ‘aven’t we? ‘Cause now you’re all quiet and don’t wanna talk, and I’m the one goin’ on for a change,” and he laughs again.

She grins widely at that and he loves the way her eyes light up as she does.

“I do trust ya you know, more than anyone else ah know,” well maybe except for her mum, but that’s kind of like default anyways, “It’s just, this is...it’s complicated. And ah do want to tell ya, ah really do, but I don’t think I’m ready just yet. I’m really sorry-”

He looks at her as though she’s lost her marbles.

“Wha’ ya apologisin’ to me for? You’re the one in hospital, you’re the one that was in a coma, at this point ah think that pretty much trumps anything anyone could possibly hold against ya, not that I’m holding anything against ya but-”

She cuts him off with a quick, gentle squeeze of his hand.

“I’m glad you’re here,” and a shy smile crosses her face, her cheeks going slightly pink, “I’m glad you were the one I woke up to...”

Finn smiles at her, so sweetly and with so much happiness in his eyes that it makes her stomach flutter. He doesn’t say anything is response but she doesn’t need him to. It’s written clear enough on his face for her to see in the dim lighting of the room. He leans forward in his chair and takes her other hand in his. She doesn’t think anything of it because it’s happened so many times since she woke up and probably while she was out of it as well that it just feels totally natural and normal to do that with him. He looks down at their hands together obscuring his face from her line of sight for the briefest of moments. When he looks back up his eyes are intense and fixed on hers. It makes her kind of uneasy to be on the receiving end of such a heavy stare.

“Wha’?” she whispers.

“I uh, ah wanna tell ya somethin’...”

She motions for him to continue.

“I um...” his palms are a little sweaty under hers and his grip tightens though not painfully.

“It’s okay Finn, ah promise, ya can tell m-”

He pushes out of the chair and catches her in a breath-stealing kiss that makes her brain blank out in the best of ways. His hands have left hers and are cradling both sides of her face against his, his lips soft and warm and earnest. Rae can feel him shaking even as he’s kissing her. And seeing as she’s only had a few (thank you Archie) to compare it with, it’s safe to say that his tops any other she’s ever had by a fucking thousand long shots. Their lips fit together just right, and his mouth feels perfect against hers. There’s no tongue but it isn’t really necessary seeing as this is 1) their first kiss, and 2) happening just after she’s been in a coma for almost half a day. It does however, reduce her to absolute mush, and her bones to jelly. Eventually Finn breaks the kiss but stays right there pressed against her, breath coming out in hot puffs on her lips.

“ _I love you_ ,” he murmurs, their eyes still closed.

It’s the most perfect moment ever.

 


End file.
